Dear Landscape Guy
Dear Landscape Guy I Do Not Know,
Please forgive me for slamming the door in your face and bolting it. When I opened the door to let the dog out, wearing my lovely pink satin chemise, I didn’t expect to see a guy come bolting over our wall, calling my gran’s name, and proceeding to head for me at the door. It was the last thing I expected to see first thing in the morning. It was a rather unpleasant surprise for me, so I dare say that you did get the better end of the deal. You can’t say I didn’t warn you though. I did tell you that I wasn’t her, but that I would go wake her up. Yet, you still continued to head for me at the door. I would have loved to stay and chat, but I am not fond of wearing practically nothing for someone I don’t know. Had it been after a few nice dinners, perhaps, but as that was not the case, I had to take the necessary protocol. Again, my most sincere apologies.
Regards,
My Nearly-Naked Self
P.S. The door-moulding indentation should disappear within a couple days. Apply ice to minimize swelling, and take anti-inflammatory drugs. If condition persists, please consult your physician.
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Give it to Me Baby!
I was sitting at a table this evening, working on a project, when someone all of a sudden was behind me and asking me:
“How do you want it? Soft? Medium? Or really hard?"
My first instinct, in my tired and deirious state (I’ve been sick all week), was to say:
"Give it to me baby, really hard!"
But then I slowly picked myself up out of the gutter, and replied to the 10-year-old girl offering to give me a shoulder massage in the children’s ministry classroom at church:
“Ehm, I think one at medium should be fine."
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Can I Get an Amen?!
Am I the only woman out there that gets frustrated with how we are told to look thanks to the media? I believe actress Valerie Harper says it better than I ever could:
What fluke of genetics leads to a size zero? I tremble at the future possibilities. Size double zero. Size minus fifteen. Are we headed for a time when we’ll be embarassed to say, “I’m a size 2”?
Valentine's Day
Ah, I look forward to the day when I have a greater chance of receiving a Valentine’s Day gift from a significant other (let alone have a S.O.). Since I get to spend my V-day helping little molecules and atoms “get it on”, I thought I might spread a little Valentine’s Day cheer.
Zits, and Pimples, and Blackheads, Oh My!
Three weeks a month I am blessed with a nearly flawless complexion that many dream of having. The other week of the month, my pores cause a riot, and wreak havoc upon my poor face. This past week it has been exceptionally bad. I know what people are thinking when they look at me, so I make it a habit of beating them to it before they say something. It makes me feel better.
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Week in Review
I know I know, I need to post more. I myself want to post more, but those books have a huge hold upon my time and energy. They DIE when the term is over. If anyone wants an invite to the book burning, let me know. We shall shed a few tears...of JOY, do the dance of victory, and throw them in the everlasting flame of book Hell! (can you sense the love people? Huh?!).
Anyways, I thought I would share my week in review:
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