All.Night.Long

Yeah, mav decided he wanted to steal my desklight as well as prevent me from reading my books. Maybe it was his way of telling me I needed a study break.

Wallmate

I woke up early this morning to use the restroom, blow my nose (damn allergies) and went back to bed. Not five minutes later I hear a loud *Dum* *Thum* *Dum* *Thum* Dum* *Dum* *Dum* *Thum* ad nauseum through my ear plugs. I tossed and turned trying to get back to sleep since I only had a couple so far, and finally gave up.

I walked over to my desk and grabbed the wireless headphones that I had invested in to keep myself from doing to my father what he was doing to me.

I turned them on and knocked on his door.

Me: (grunting a bit) Here. (thrusting the headphones at him) They’re on. Use them.

Dad: I’m going out to breakfast.

Me: How nice for you. I’m trying to sleep. You know with exams and all.

Dad: Well I heard you blow your nose and I thought you were awake.

Me: I have absofuckinglutely no desire to be up this early.

Dad: Well I don’t need these (rejecting the headphones), I’ll just turn the music off.

Me: (grunting) Yeah. Night.

And I went back to bed only to get up a few hours later.

Today is definately my marathon day out of the entire week. I need to leave the house for my second exam about 6am tomorrow, and the third is five hours later. I’m just not planning on sleeping, because if I do try I’ll just lie awake in bed anyways. I guess I’ll be driving in downtown vegas butt tired. Yay, not like I haven’t done that before.

Bring on the coffee, and the stickam should be up and running into the night. Wooohoooo. 

Graduation Anxiety

My god I have it, and bad too. I have no idea where my marks are in my classes, and if I don’t get at least passing grades in all of my hard-ass classes I won’t get my diploma, and I won’t find out any of this out until after I walk. So here I am just panicking over every.fucking.thing, as I always do during finals week, but this one is worse than ever because I seriously feel as if I am failing every class I am in, and for all I know I am. And with my deciding to graduate I find myself remembering when I had begun the whole debate on whether or not to do so, not to mention how my year looked going into it: full of promise. My family will be there, provided I survive this week. I honestly wish my gran wasn’t, as much as she deserves to be there...she made sure I got my books and whatnot when everyone else didn’t lift a finger...it’s just I have a hard time being around her ever since our falling out earlier this year. Then again I seemed to have a falling out with everyone, because the other person I wanted there, my wishes there haven’t changed, but with how things ended up that obviously isn’t going to happen either. I’m just so...stubborn, and pretty miserable about everything falling apart, can’t stop thinking about it actually, but then again I’ve learned that I can go through life with my heart shut off.  However, I know that without opening up to people and becoming vulnerable, you can’t get close friends, and you just go through life alone. Then again you can’t get hurt anymore, now can you?

Wow, this post started as one thing and ended up as another. I should prob just stop here before I say too much more.

Anyways, tomorrow I have my cell physiclogy exam, and it just makes me want to cry, actually trying NOT to do so. This course is as hard as o-chem was for me. The memorisation for it is just agonising, and I swear that since my surgeries and being on all that lortab my memory isn’t where it used to be. It is definately the class I am worried the most about. I just know this semester is going to kill my GPA, and that in itself makes me look like a failure on paper to where it would ruin any chances of my doing grad school. Damnit I worry to damn much. I wish life was just black in white, and I was some genius and could get perfect marks. Ok, I’m off to drink some more espresso and digest some more chapters and names of enzymes for tomorrow’s exam. If you never hear from me again, it’s been great. 

A headache you can't scratch

I’m sitting here, sipping a cappucino, and trying to figure out what to write. I know I want to write, but there are those days when I’m utterly indecisive and can’t figure out what to say simply because there is just so much going on in my life. Not too long ago I was of the complaint that I have nothing going on and therefore nothing to blog about. I guess you get what you wish for, huh?

I’m suffering from what I fondly term as “studentitis”. I can’t seem to get my ass across town to sit in a chair and have a professor regurgetate a book to me. I’ve ALWAYS had a problem with that. I learn from books. I have since I could read. Hell, I even self-taught myself through them alot of the shit I know. If I drag my ass to uni, I want to be taught something that isn’t in the textbooks. Call me stupid, but I think textbooks should be used as supplemental reading in a lecture setting. And I also feel guilty as hell not showing up to class, because I just know I am offending the professors. I know, like they can pick me out in a lecturehall that sits 150+. But I guess all the matters is that I learn, and I get the marks, no matter how I do it. I’m just itching to get through this book in front of me.  Like my first twenty some haven’t been painful enough as it is to get through I’ve got to plough through the first three BILLION of evolution on earth. It makes my head hurt.